Kevin Brown Got Sick Of People Stealing Mail In His Neighborhood, So He Hid In A Neighbor's Yard And Pulled A Gun On The Alleged Robbers

Macon Telegraph After several reports of stolen mail in a north Macon neighborhood, former major league pitcher Kevin Brown hid in a neighbor’s yard and waited on the thieves to strike again. A 15-year-old and another man were arrested Wednesday afternoon outside of Brown’s multimillion-dollar home off Rivoli Downs. The mailbox was ajar as the baseball star explained the situation to four Bibb County sheriff’s deputies.

Brown, who played for the Rangers, Orioles, Marlins, Padres, Dodgers and Yankees during his career, caught the two men and held them at gunpoint until deputies arrived, according to officers at the scene.

Let this be a lesson to any potential mail thieves out there. If you are going to steal someone’s mail, make sure it’s not one of the pre-eminent power pitchers of the Steroids Era. It should be easy to tell because his name will literally be on the front of the letters you are stealing. Maybe stick to stealing mail from slick-fielding middle infielders or center fielders. But I’d avoid any crimes against corner infielders, corner outfielders, and starting pitchers that threw absolute gas back in the day. I was going to include some of the old baseball fights that Kevin Brown was involved in during his playing days to hammer this point home, however I came up empty while looking for them after a quick Google search. But Kevin Brown at least SEEMED like one of those guys that could kick your ass because of the way he screamed after striking someone out, which you think would be enough to stop people from stealing his mail and could make him the perfect guy to be his Neighborhood Watch’s Clint Eastwood from Gran Torino.

And while we are giving advice to mail thieves, may I suggest finding a new slant? What the fuck can you even get out of stealing someone’s mail? Best case scenario you stumble upon a check or a small Amazon package that for some reason didn’t come from UPS and happens to fit in a mailbox. Mayyyyybe you get a letter that contains info that could help steal somebody’s identity because the home owner didn’t go paperless yet. But the worst case scenario is that you walk away with a bunch of junk mail, which has to happen like 99% of the time in 2018. Actually I guess the worst case scenario is getting a fucking gun pulled in your face in the heart of the South by a guy that was a super intense crazy person during his previous career. But risking your freedom and potentially life to steal from somebody only to end up with the Shop Rite circular and a couple of 20% off coupon to Bed, Bath, and Beyond just doesn’t seem worth it to me.