In An Incredible Display Of Heart, Resiliency, And Pure Athletic Excellence, A Raccoon Successfully Scaled A 25-Story St. Paul Building
The dead period in sports after the Stanley Cup and NBA Finals are over is abysmal. Fortunately we’re in a World Cup year and the US Open is this week as well. But neither of those events start until tomorrow so the world needed something to occupy ourselves with in the meantime. That’s where the MPRaccoon came to the rescue.
Now if you’re not on Twitter or, ya know, have anything else going on in your life then there’s a good chance you don’t know what I’m talking about here. So here’s a quick, electrifying rundown for you from Fox 9’s Rob Olson to bring you up to speed.
Thanks, Rob.
Now in the past year in sports, we’ve seen the unthinkable happen quite a few times. They said that the Philadelphia Eagles would never win a Super Bowl. But the Birds went out there on February 4, 2018 and beat the New England Patriots 41-33 to win their first Super Bowl in franchise history. They said that Alex Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals would never win a Stanley Cup. But the Caps went out there on June 7, 2018 and beat the Vegas Golden Knights in 5 games to win their first Stanley Cup in franchise history. We also saw the Houston Astros win their first World Series in franchise history over the past year as well. Justify became just the 13th horse to ever win the Triple Crown. Smitty beat up an old, lazy-eyed chef at a hillbilly boxing event. So it has been a huge year for the underdogs, and an absolutely horrid year for the haters and the losers and the doubters. Why would this situation with MPRaccoon be any different? Everybody was saying he couldn’t do it. Everybody doubted him from the start. They said he’d plummet to his death. They said he’d splatter into guts soup on the sidewalk. But as more and more people told MPRaccoon he couldn’t do it, it only made him hungrier to prove people wrong. It only made him more determined to get to the top and silence the doubters. It may have taken hours and hours of grinding it out. But in the end?
(I might be a little biased as a Philly guy but I prefer this version a little better)
MPRaccoon made it to the top and capped off what will go down as the greatest athletic achievement of the year. A truly remarkable result. Something that will be talked about for years and years to come. You’ll be telling your grandchildren’s grandchildren about where you were at when this fucking raccoon made it to the top of a building in St. Paul, Minnesota. Most likely you were in your bed sleeping.