Big Ev AKA The Double Vodka Don Intern Update: Intern Update: I’m better looking than Intern Hot Sean.

So there was a lot of buzz surrounding Sean right off the bat. KFC asked to take a picture of him Day 1 so he could tweet it out and then Dave even wrote a blog about him. (Dave wrote a blog about me back in February, whatever) I will concede he is a good looking fella. Pretty face, great hair and strong jawline. All that to go along with a set of piercing blue eyes that you could get lost in. I am not a player hater by any stretch of the imagination. Real recognize real. But my argument here is not that he isn’t good looking. It’s just that I am better looking. He may be prettier, but I am more beautiful. So what he looks like a Calvin Klein model? Aaron Hernandez would probably still be around if Sean was his cellmate in the joint. But all of that is erroneous. Size DOES matter and I am clearly the BIGGER catch. You ever see a fisherman take a picture with a trout? Absolutely not. He takes a picture with the massive, beautiful 300 pound marlin he just lugged out of the ocean. Something he had to work hard for and earn. Not just another dumb trout that was stupid enough to grab a worm attached to a hook (what an idiot) just for the fisherman to be let down and toss it back in the water.

Sean is a trout (no offense Sean) and I am a big beautiful marlin. Pleasantly plump. Large and majestic. The kind of fish/person you just stop and stare at. The kind you want your picture taken with. You may or may not get lost in Sean’s eyes. But my voluptuous, love handle ridden body is nothing short of a masterpiece. It has taken YEARS of handwork to achieve this figure. Does it look like I’ve ever taken a meal off? HEEEELLLLLLLL NA. Not once. “NO MEALS OFF! NO MEALS OFF! NO MEALS OFF!” The kind of guy Bill Belichick would want on his roster. A trophy catch as some would say.

Sean is a regular season win and I am a Lombardi trophy. It may look pretty and get you excited at first glance. Maybe Sean even threw for 500 yards and 7 touchdowns or some shit. But I am a champion. I am the one you are holding up and getting your picture taken with. (OK maybe not holding up) I am the one you are telling your kids about. I am the one hanging up in the mantle to remind you of the best days of your life. So who would you rather have? A trout or a marlin? A boring regular season win or a Super Bowl Championship? Sean or myself? The answer seems rather simple if you ask me, but I’ll let you guys decide……