Teachers Enter Peak Zero F****s Given Szn

I lost track of a toddler while playing hide-and-go-seek babysitting once. Like still couldn’t find the ‘lil guy as the parents got home. Awkward & stressful until he popped out of the hamper he’d been peacefully snoozing in while I was making plans to disappear to Mexico.

Outside of my own experiences, what I’ve gathered from sources like Podfathers is that kids, though delightful, keep you on your toes 24/7. You never know what’s coming your way – fun times & laughter can turn to shrieks so fast your head will spin.

That’s why I can’t imagine the teacher lyfe. Being a #FunAunt, Godmother, big cousin – fine. But a whole room of them, day after day, month after month, year after year? Especially middle school age – bunch of hyper-moody, irrational gargoyles. I’d go absolutely batshit crazy. And it turns out, teachers do! But they’re excpetionally great at burying it deep down inside. Your kids are assholes. Deny all you want, but you know it.

Having a good amount of teacher friends, and watching them stampede like a wild, desperate herd into our happy hours rambling of nothing but the ‘final countdown’ to summer, I wanted the Stoolie teachers to have their say.

There are days where I just want to scream… Shut the Fuck UP just sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up you annoying shit fucks. Not to be critical or anything but that’s what they do to you thank god for summer.

Put down the reefer and pick up a goddamn brain

You guys are the reason behind my alcoholism.

I would pay to be able to write “Are you fistfucking me?” as commentary on essays

I teach high school history and constantly find myself wanting to scream, “IM GIVING YOU THE FUCKING ANSWERS SO SHUT THE FUCK UP”.

My mom is a teacher. I went with her to the school’s graduation last night, and they’d announce a kid’s name and she would lean over and mumble to me, “that kid’s a little shit” or “he’s a pain in the ass”.

You need to tell your parents how much of a ass hole you’re being so instead of the Bath & Body Works stinky-ass soap they’ll buy me some fancy fucking booze for Christmas.

Well hey, it’s not quite Christmas, but soon enough you’ll have the gift of empty classrooms & full beers for the next several months. Hang in there & do your best to make it these last few hours or days without accidentally screaming that out.