A Guy Almost Dies from Getting Bitten by a Rattlesnake's Severed Head

Source – A Corpus Christi man is still recovering after he was bitten by a rattlesnake, even after the snake had already been beheaded.

It happened the weekend of May 27 at a residence near Lake Corpus Christi.

Jennifer Sutcliffe and her husband were doing weekend yard work when she spotted a four-foot rattlesnake. She said her husband quickly took his shovel and severed the snake’s head, but moments later when he bent down to dispose of the snake, the snake’s head bit him.

“Which in that case since there is nobody, it released all its venom into him at that point, so he had a lot of venoms,” Sutcliffe said.

Sutcliffe called 911 and began driving her husband to the hospital. He immediately began having seizures, lost his vision and experienced internal bleeding. …

Sutcliffe said the first 24 hours were the worst. Doctors told her husband might not make it, even after giving him vast amounts of antivenom.

“A normal person who is going to get bit is going to get two to four doses of antivenom,” Sutcliffe said. “He had to have 26 doses.”

Guy Who Talks in Cliches: “Well you know what they say: The best way to kill a snake is to cut off the head.”
Rattlesnake: “Hold my beer.”

First off, how about a huge Standing O to Jennifer Sutcliffe, who is my kind of woman? She sounds like a contemporary version of Terry Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter’s (RIP) wife, who I once saw crawl into a mud pit to rescue a 7-foot croc who’d gotten stuck in there. I only have eyes for my beguiling Irish Rose, obviously. But she calls from the other end of the house to get rid of a moth. This Jennifer is a fearless woman of action who keeps a cool head when all around her are losing theirs.

Second, do you need any further proof of what I’m always saying? That Nature sucks. Everything that survives outside of your house does so by being a danger to you. With venom, toxins, poisons and itchy stuff. That they deliver with fangs, pincers, stingers, barbs and claws. Nature’s general assholery is the reason we invented the house.

And of all of the above, nothing is worse than the snake. It’s as if God decided to create the most repulsive thing he possibly could. So He peered deep into the human hypothalamus for the worst thing in our subconscious and came up with these scaly, slithering little murder ropes. So nasty that even their disembodied heads can give a grownass Country Strong Texan seizures and internal bleeding and needing to get gallons of antivenom just to keep from dying a painful death.

And I say this not as a guy with a crazy, irrational fear of snakes, but a good, normal, healthy, manly fear of snakes. Like Indiana Jones. But knowing that even the last three inches of those rotten little Hydra heads can kill you horribly is all I need to change that.