Batteries Included

I mentioned briefly in the Wednesday’s Homestretch that Tesla was up big yesterday, eventually closing up almost 10%, after shareholders at the company’s annual meeting backed Elon Musk as chairman and CEO.  Musk then responded by revealing that Tesla is nearing its weekly Model 3 production goal, and went on to say, the company will soon be producing more batteries at its Nevada-based Gigafactory than all other electric car companies combined… That’s a lot of fucking batteries.

I have no feeling on TSLA outside of this- A company like Tesla, who does not pigeon-hole itself as just a car company, but instead prides itself in developing rechargeable battery technology that could be beneficial across multiple product lines… A company like that should make a high-end vibrator.

And by “high-end” I mean like two grand a piece, but each unit comes with a nightstand/charging portal.

The target market is obvious… Environmentally minded douchebag women (and a handful of men who had too much chardonnay at a BBQ and wandered into their wive’s “secret drawer”) who also like to flaunt their excessive unearned wealth.

They could combine it with their “self-driving” technology, where you can fire it up at the edge of the bed, then lay back, and let Elon do the rest.

And it would be so much more environment-friendly compared to the gas or coal fired ones your mother still uses in her nursing home.

I should probably pitch this to Musk personally, but I am pretty busy, so I will throw in the product name and tag-line for anyone who has his ear… Don’t go with the obvious “Tesla Model V”. You name it “THE TESLA MOUNTAIN”, because, “She’ll be coming round THE MOUNTAIN when she comes.”

Boom.

Take a report.

-Large