Hereby Cordially Inviting The Eagles To My Apartment: Tomorrow, 3PM

Philadelphia Eagles, Super Bowl Kings, heroes of the City of Brotherly Love, you are hereby cordially invited to my apartment tomorrow at 3pm ET for a reception celebrating your incredible teamwork & championship victory.

There will be several trays of Primos hoagies, various quarts of water ice, hot trays of penne pasta & roast beef (with au jus!), a Tastycake pyramid, and my mom will be bringing her famous MnM-infused Rice Krispie Treats (mom, if you’re reading this pls get crackin’ on that). The beverages of the day will be White Claw Spiked Seltzer, frozen tequila with missing cap, & old Almond Milk, because it’s been a long weekend and that’s all I have left right now. But you can BYOB as you see fit. And though I don’t have 32 bathrooms like the White House, I have one with beautiful homemade art & name brand toilet paper.

Fans are welcome, and if gets crowded, anyone is free to relax on the balcony, which, not to brag, has one sturdy lawn chair and a beautiful half-alive hibiscus plant. (If you’re worried about ambiance, my Christmas lights are still up and plugged in.) There is also a pool area where I will be bringing out my Eagles cornhole set, and I know my landlords will just be happy to have you all here.

The White House’s United States Marine Band and the United States Army Chorus may not be here to sing your praises, but I have Spotify with a killer portable Bose, & am a Marine who can sing well if you have a few of those White Claws.

For real though. I totally mean this. If I build it, will you come?????? DM for directions, I’m right next door in the Land of Delco off of I-95 & 476, and I’ve always been rooting for you. You deserve it.