The CEO Of Twitter Bragged About Not Owning A Laptop As If Things Are Going Well

CNET- When you’re the founder one of the world’s biggest social networks and CEO of a Silicon Valley giant, can you get anything done without a laptop? @jack can. The CEO of Twitter was in Sydney on Friday (Australia time) to talk about the company’s new efforts to combat trolls and fake news and its bid to amplify the world’s most important conversations. It’s a big ask, and as the world starts to scrutinise the role social media has in dictating democracy and the public discourse, Jack Dorsey has a lot of work to do. When asked about the famous shot of Mark Zuckerberg’s taped-over laptop webcam and whether he had any similar security tips, Dorsey was upfront. “I don’t have a laptop,” he said. He was met with stoney silence, before a single veteran newspaper journalist in the front row started laughing uncontrollably in disbelief. “I do everything on my phone,”

What! Somebody get this man a laptop! Stat! You need a laptop dude. Like now. Things aren’t going well. Does he not know? Has this been the problem the whole time? Twitter has been a deeply-flawed company cause Jack Dorsey is walking around without a laptop? Just fumble-fucking words and butt-dialing his company into the ground like a reverse rocket ship. Not seeing the bad news cause the screen is too small. Cause it’d be one thing if he was bragging about not owning a laptop if Twitter was this perfect, well-oiled social media machine. It’s not. It’s a fucking disaster. It makes no money. The stock drops every two seconds. Russian trolls run the place. It’s a cesspool. And the CEO is up there on stage pea cocking like his shit don’t stink.

When he dropped, “I don’t have a laptop” he for sure thought the crowd was gonna erupt with applause and hail him a genius with a 48-minute standing ovation.

Instead he got this

“I don’t have a laptop,” he said. He was met with stoney silence, before a single veteran newspaper journalist in the front row started laughing uncontrollably in disbelief.

YOU NEED A LAPTOP DUDE. The buttons are huge. We’ll all chip-in to buy you one. Save this sinking ship. I still love Twitter. I want it to succeed and not fall to wayside. In order for that to happen, the chief executive officer needs a fucking laptop. Jesus christ.